For a few weeks now I have began taking time to look at my reflection and asking myself am I living my life the way I was created to live my life or am I just passing by the days, existing and getting through my to do lists. This self-reflection, I have accomplished often and every time I have the sense that I am falling short of my purpose here on earth. My problem is that I have the desire, passion, want and commitment to follow through on this pre-determined plan for me, but I just don’t know where to begin. There are certain things that I must let go before I find this path and I have come to realize that it is fear; fear of the unknown, fear of pain, fear of losing. If I could only let go and seek Him first, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33. This life isn’t about me yet I consume my day with so many things that I NEED to complete and NEED to take care of NEED to finish but what about His needs? How does one release these selfish habits? To give all my faith His kingdom and all other things will be given.
See my life is pretty simple, well as simple as it is going to get right now but I have intentionally created this simplified life to make room for my spiritual growth but I find myself at the same place as year later; but this year I am determined to make some movement, changes and a difference. I will continue reading, praying and living my life in a renewed state of mind. I am hoping by this time next year, my path will look much differently than it does today but this can not be accomplished on pure desire alone. This I do realize and I am willing to work had, cry more and bleed for this passion of mine and I must have faith that if I release my fears that He will show me my way.
Well this week’s self-portrait challenge was a challenge!! I am not to pleased with this photo but I determined to post something before my time expired. I’ve come to realize that my problem is that I put too much thought into these weekly challenges and in the past I was so accustomed to taking a shot when the feeling overcame me. Oh well..there is always next week 🙂
I can see from the outside what needs to be accomplished…now I must open the door and get things done in life!
2012 brings several goals to mind but first and foremost the time has come for me to start being comfortable in my own skin. See over the years I have allowed men to put me down and to make negative comments about my body. My natural reaction was to always brush off their ignorance but as time has passed, those comments, those hateful word, those judgments have stuck with me longer than I ever wanted to admit. As a matter of fact, the amount of sting that has stayed with me, has never been shared until now. So I have decided that this is the year that for me to work through all those past painful comments that have stuck with me and put them behind me. The rug just isn’t big enough for this one! But I am ready for this wound to heal and move forward!!
This is my first attempt at the 52 week challenge and these captures are not just about the challenge but about life in general. This blog purpose is to document my emotions, my thought, my perspective, concepts and other times it will be just about life.
Today, is about my emotions and racing thoughts; at times they run out of control and today was one of those days. My mind is drowning with thoughts, worries, concerns. Many of my thoughts I hold inside because after replaying them 1000 times a day they just seem bothersome and who really wants to hear my thoughts. Most them are ultra sensitive anyway and that just displays weakness. Today, I felt alone in my world, my heart ached and my feelings were hurt. At the of this day, my girlfriends 17-year-old dog passed away and I felt paralyzed when her tear were falling down her face.
Tomorrow is a new day and I hope it brings positive thoughts and memories to my world and to yours.