Day 10/Lesson 5

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Yes, I have skipped a few days of posting but that doesn’t mean I have completely lost my focus. Facebook is not even a concern of mine and I have been able let go of the anxiety of not staying connected.

This weekend was a good weekend; a bit emotional but I understood and will move forward. I am not here to understand everything all of the time but I am here to listen and even though I thought God was calling me to accomplish something I realized that now is not the time. As hard as it was for me to hear this in such a harsh manner from someone I love deeply, I will respect it and let it go.

Lesson 5
I am never upset for the reason I think.

This idea, like the preceding one, can be used with any person, situation or event you think is causing you pain. Apply it specifically to whatever you believe is the cause of your upset, using the description of the feeling in whatever term seems accurate to you. The upset may seem to be fear, worry, depression, anxiety, anger, hatred, jealousy or any number of forms, all of which will be perceived as different. This is not true. However, until you learn that form does not matter, each form becomes a proper subject for the exercises for the day. Applying the same idea to each of them separately is the first step in ultimately recognizing they are all the same.

When using the idea for today for a specific perceived cause of an upset in any form, use both the name of the form in which you see the upset, and the cause which you ascribe to it. For example:

I am not angry at ___ for the reason I think.
I am not afraid of ___ for the reason I think.

But again, this should not be substituted for practice periods in which you first search your mind for “sources” of upset in which you believe, and forms of upset which you think result.

In these exercises, more than in the preceding ones, you may find it hard to be indiscriminate, and to avoid giving greater weight to some subjects than to others. It might help to precede the exercises with the statement:

There are no small upsets.
They are all equally disturbing to my peace of mind.

Then examine your mind for whatever is distressing you, regardless of how much or how little you think it is doing so.

You may also find yourself less willing to apply today’s idea to some perceived sources of upset than to others. If this occurs, think first of this:

I cannot keep this form of upset and let the others go.
For the purposes of these exercises, then, I will regard them all as the same.

Then search your mind for no more than a minute or so, and try to identify a number of different forms of upset that are disturbing you, regardless of the relative importance you may give them. Apply the idea for today to each of them, using the name of both the source of the upset as you perceive it, and of the feeling as you experience it. Further examples are:

I am not worried about ___ for the reason I think.
I am not depressed about ___ for the reason I think.

Three or four times during the day is enough.

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Day 6/Lesson 4

Today this lesson is difficult one because what I am feeling has really upset me today and I am unable to shake this. Fear immediately has sunken in and I must just have faith.

These thoughts do not mean anything.
They are like the things I see in this room
[on this street, from this window, in this place].

Unlike the preceding ones, these exercises do not begin with the idea for the day. In these practice periods, begin with noting the thoughts that are crossing your mind for about a minute. Then apply the idea to them. If you are already aware of unhappy thoughts, use them as subjects for the idea. Do not, however, select only the thoughts you think are “bad.” You will find, if you train yourself to look at your thoughts, that they represent such a mixture that, in a sense, none of them can be called “good” or “bad.” This is why they do not mean anything.

In selecting the subjects for the application of today’s idea, the usual specificity is required. Do not be afraid to use “good” thoughts as well as “bad.” None of them represents your real thoughts, which are being covered up by them. The “good” ones are but shadows of what lies beyond, and shadows make sight difficult. The “bad” ones are blocks to sight, and make seeing impossible. You do not want either.

This is a major exercise, and will be repeated from time to time in somewhat different form. The aim here is to train you in the first steps toward the goal of separating the meaningless from the meaningful. It is a first attempt in the long-range purpose of learning to see the meaningless as outside you, and the meaningful within. It is also the beginning of training your mind to recognize what is the same and what is different.

In using your thoughts for application of the idea for today, identify each thought by the central figure or event it contains; for example:

This thought about ___ does not mean anything.
It is like the things I see in this room [on this street, and so on].

You can also use the idea for a particular thought that you recognize as harmful. This practice is useful, but is not a substitute for the more random procedures to be followed for the exercises. Do not, however, examine your mind for more than a minute or so. You are too inexperienced as yet to avoid a tendency to become pointlessly preoccupied.

Further, since these exercises are the first of their kind, you may find the suspension of judgment in connection with thoughts particularly difficult. Do not repeat these exercises more than three or four times during the day. We will return to them later.

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LOOK

LOOK

Look!

Look at me

Look at this crazy world

Look at your reflection

Look at this mess

Look at the beauty of this mess

Look at the blue clouds

Look, no one is perfect

Look past ones good intentions

Look in the mirror, you are beautiful

Look deeper than the outer shell of ones existence

Look further than the  predetermined expectations

Look, I am tired of all judgment

Look into my eyes

Look, are you listening to me

Look in the mirror…..

Look, do you understand

Look, this life is not an illusion only our past thoughts are

Look over my past, my flaws, my failures, my imperfections, my mistakes

Look, forgive me for I have sinned……

Just Look!

Look at this life

Look how much you have accomplished

Look at ones intentions

Look at your GIFT(S)

Look in the present moment

Look for good in all

Look for positive change

Look at all the possibilities

Look at what could be accomplished

Look at creation

Look how we could make this a better world

Look!

Just Look where you are going and try not to hurt anyone along your journey….

Random Food for thought

This is something I wrote almost a year ago and thought I’d post it here so I could document some of my thinking…

I don’t want to talk!

There are so many people in my life circle

Yet so far and few in between that understand me

Or even really know me

What makes me tick and what ticks me off!!

My outer shell is reserved..quiet and caring..but there is so much more

But if one would just take the time to peel back the layers

One would understand me and appreciate me!

Sincerely embrace my thoughts, my views, my opinions, my tears, my fears, my heart

What makes me or breaks me down to my knees

What warms my heart and uplifts my spirits

Instead some are intrigued by my outer shell and just want to learn enough to scrap the surface for them not to feel guilt of selfishness

And then they question..why does she hold back, why does she not disclose, why won’t she pick up her fucking phone?

Why?? Why you ask..because so many “friends” are so fucking transparent…so selfish and so fucking clueless

Once they arrive at their final destination then I am just another contact in their list

The contact list a mile long of layers that never were appreciated or undiscovered

So don’t judge me if I wish not to entertain and pointless conversation if you don’t want to take the time to invest in me..us..the journey of life, of appreciation

The time to work at something that is so fragile and delicate is apparently too much of a burden for some individuals

Work that requires time, love and a fucking heart

What if…..

What if tomorrow was different

What if your purpose was present

What if your pain was absent from your heart

What if….

The sky was filled with hope

The scent taken in was as fresh as your dreams

The touch felt was just as magical as yesterday

What if….

You released your fears and felt no boundaries

What if the tension and worries were non existent

What if tomorrow was different and yesterday never returned

What if….

The time passed was filled with only love

The desire to make a difference was present

The present was exactly where you wanted to be

What if…..

We walked with God every day of every moment

What if we took our purpose and made the change

What if the pain would dissipate

What if ….

There were no judgments

What if the tears would stop falling

What if I could erase the scars

Could you…

love me

Could you forgive me

Could you understand me

Could you be in my presence and not be ashamed

Could you be patient

Could you listen to my words

Could you hear my thoughts

Could you pause and realize that I am truly here?

What if……….

Day 51

I don’t have a photograph to post today (well not yet anyway).  Some thoughts are running through my mind and I thought I just jot them down really quick.  Daily I am making an effort to understand my thoughts and to feel a sense of guidance towards my emotions.  Recently I have discovered that In the past I would avoid feeling strong, intimate and unconditional emotions and I believe I did this to protect myself from disappointment or pain.  If I was unable to feel, grasp or understand my own emotions then in return, I didn’t have the full capacity to feel compassionate for others.  This of course did not apply to my children but I have recently recognized this defense that I unconsciously created it in order to protect my heart from judgment, from pain, from lies, from disappointments, from the ugly people who have crossed my path.  But today, in this moment, I have come to realize that God has brought me to this place intentionally and with His pure love.  He knew what I needed to experience in this life, in order to be grateful for today and to give back tomorrow.  Today, I belong right where I am and this today will guide me to His tomorrow.  His plans, I must trust in and I must come to understand that I didn’t end up here because I took a few wrong turns or made a few wrong choices in life but rather because I made all the right choices according  to His plan in order for me to understand and appreciate life and love unconditionally.  To want to understand His plans, to desire the need to find His will and I will continue trying until I achieve what He has intended for me to achieve in life.  I am not afraid to fail but I am afraid not to try.

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By mystorymyperspective Posted in thoughts